Thorns and footsteps

There was once a stubborn guy who was good at pretending. He met this girl and fell in love, it was like he didn’t know how to walk anymore, like he couldn’t find the ground. Little did he know this girl was as good as the thorns found on a rose bush.

Another girl came along. The two became friends very quickly and she became his guide. He never listened, but he was dependent on this friend. And he kept walking on the parts of the ground covered in thorns.

He took his friend along with him. And she happily walked on the thorns for him. He kept on pretending he wasn’t hurt and didn’t say a word. But his friend noticed. One day, he realized the thorns were hurting him too much. So he decided to stop and rest for his wounds to heal. But he wouldn’t let his friend help him. Did I say he was stubborn? Her voice could heal him. But he covered his ears. Did I say he never listened?

He fell into a deep sleep. 1 year, 3 months and 3 days. As he slept the friend recited a prayer- everyday, stroked his hair and sung a lullaby: and his feet were healed. The friend left before he could wake up, because he didn’t need her anymore. He was stable again.

Sadly, her wounds from walking on the thorns had not healed even after 1 year, 3 months and 3 days. But there was nothing to heal her.

Her purpose in life was to love. But she gave it all to him. And he gave all his love to the girl who laid the thorns.

His friend’s feet still bled. And she left a trail of footprints behind. Once he woke up, he tried to follow her footsteps to find her again. He couldn’t find her, but he found himself on a path that was a lot more nicer, it had pretty views and less obstacles. And luckily no more thorns. Remember when I said she was his guide?

Even though she left, she never really left

The girl who liked hands

There was once a girl who liked hands.

Have you ever held anyone’s hands, and it just felt right?

Your skin against their skin felt like home.

Your fingers in between their fingers felt like the right pieces of a jigsaw puzzle being connected.

This is why she liked hands.

Have you ever held anyone’s hands and it hasn’t felt right?

Their skin against your skin felt strange.

Or when your fingers would be in between theirs, it wasn’t the right piece of the jigsaw puzzle.

This is why she liked hands.

She held her heart in her hands, it was the only way she knew what was right and what was not.

The Struggles of an Ethnic Minority: Mental Health

‘What on earth is mental illness?’- a strange concept. It ‘doesn’t exist’, which is the main issue.

It’s one thing to dismiss an illness to prevent the idea of the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’. But, dismissing its existence is a whole other story- the main issue within communities of POC (People of Colour).

I’ve had this discussion with many of my friends that are POC. South Asians are slightly similar to Black people in the sense that they are mentally resilient. If we take our parents as an example they’ve been raised with a fixed mindset, ‘deal with the issue’. You’ll see a lot of our elders they manage tragedies and difficult situations with so much resilience because of how they’ve been raised. Obviously, you would have people amongst our elders that suffer mental illnesses and unfortunately they would be disregarded, or undermined and labelled ‘crazy’. But, I’m comparing the elder generation raised in their motherland to the younger generation that is being raised in a western society. We’re surrounded by mental illness a lot more now in the western world because it’s being acknowledge more- which is brilliant, because without acknowledgement people would less likely go to their GP for help, and as a result would not be diagnosed. Acknowledging it and recognising it as an illness is not the problem. It’s the exposure to mental illness becoming a norm. In this post I will be focusing mainly on depression as I believe it’s presence in society is dramatically increasing.

Sometimes, I wonder whether the method of diagnosis is reliable. I spoke to a psychologist, and she had said the methods doctors use are ‘unreliable’ because ‘anyone (to exaggerate) can just be a really good actor, and be diagnosed with depression’. This is to highlight the flaw in the diagnosis of depression- not to devalue those who have depression as merely ‘good actors’. It’s a flaw because those that get diagnosed with a mental illness however are not suffering from the mental illness may in fact begin to commit to the ‘self fulfilling prophecy’. To elaborate, they will begin believing that they should adopt the symptoms of those depressed. From personal experience I have noticed this amongst friends which is partially why this blog post is focused on the misdiagnosis of this mental illness. I decided to research regarding misdiagnosis within mental health and came across a study by Dr Alex Mitchell- ‘Clinical diagnosis of depression in primary care: a meta-analysis. It is a meta-analysis of 118 studies, so the immediate criticism against the study is that it is not primary data and therefore the flaws in the study are perhaps not all that accurate. Continuing to the findings of the study, amongst 50,371 patients from 41 studies, the finding suggests that there are more false positives than either missed or identified cases. This suggests that some people that are diagnosed as depressed are not actually depressed. This isn’t to say ‘don’t go to the GP in case of a misdiagnosis’, but rather it’s a reminder that your plight may not be to the extent you feel it is. However, the other concern is the under diagnosed patients, as they’ll fail to get the treatment they need. The data was also collected in 2009, and a more updated study regarding the misdiagnosis of mental illnesses is definitely required.

Linking on to the point of those that fail to get treated because of under diagnosis, I collected some statistics– although there has been limited research conducted in mental health problems for BAME (Black, Asian and minority ethnic groups)- it is suggested that POC are ‘generally considered to be at increased risk of poor mental health’. That’s potentially true to an extent as there are so many pressures on POC. Let’s take Black people as an example, they are constantly having to deal with racism, the whole system is against them. From police brutality to institutionalised racism. Black people are generally from the less privileged areas in the country; why? the system is against them. How many black male students will you find in Cambridge University? Only 14. Their success already has so many hurdles in the way, the pressures to succeed are very high in this world. The pressures of making your family proud are very high. The need to survive for a black person, in this damned world is uncomparable to any other race. So yes, they are at risk. But, what’s worse in the statistics is, ‘Black adults were also found to have the lowest treatment rate of any ethnic group at 6.2% compared to the White British group at 13.3%, another field where black people are disadvantaged because the system is against them, another field where white privilege occurs. Not just that, studies suggest that PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is higher in black women. This association is made because of the high levels of sexual assault they experience. Black women are also less likely to report or seek help for assaults or trauma. But then again, the system is against them, so why would they? The authorities are the last people black people would turn to.

Statistics from a 2008 study suggest that Pakistani and Bangladeshi women are at a higher risk of schizophrenia after adjustment for socioeconomic status. The focus here being on the ‘socioeconomic status‘. From personal experience, in a south asian family it is extremely common to think about the locals and their opinion on us. Which shows how detrimental society is towards mental health, because we care so much about our status in the eyes of the others.

So to take from this blog post is; the misdiagnosis of mental health issues- generically, the inequalities against black people in treatment for mental illness, and the detrimental issues of concerning yourself with your socioeconomic status.  These are only some of the struggles of ethnic minorities in mental health.

“You’re my ‘sister’, you get the benefit of the doubt”

I’ll never forget the day

When I saw my brother have to pay

For a girl that wouldn’t stay

Who decided to go away

He would call her ‘my wife’

Because she became his life

Left a scar so deep, her love

was as sharp as a knife

I’m sitting here, writing

Helpless, watching my brother crying

It’s difficult but I know he’s trying

I just hope she would stop lying

For her, he’d pick pennies

She’ll send threats like Curley’s Wife and

He’d become another one of a thousand Lennies

He’d help her with her ayn’s, gayn’s and kaaf’s

wouldn’t let her sleep without making her laugh

Now he feels like he’s lost his other half

She’s turnt her back, walking down another path

The boy told me about Cadet

and the letter to Krept

The guilt in my heart grew and  I wept

And now I owe my brother, I’m in debt

If I was there with you

I’d wipe those tears

And say what can I do?

For my brother, anything for you

Feeling: Guilt

This poem was inspired by a friend, who was cheated on by their partner. He video call me and eventually cry. He would tell me about stories where if she was hungry and he didn’t have any money on him at that moment, he would scramble for those odds pennies in his car, coat pockets and wallet to make sure she was fed something. His relationship with her became so toxic, she threatened him with allegations of rape. He would always hope to better her in her faith (of course he had his shortcomings as we all do) but his effort to give guidance was noticeable. This friend would listen to UK Rap music like, Cadet- which leads to the inspiration of the title of this poem, my friend would always say ‘You’re my sister, you get the benefit of the doubt’- a remix of some lyrics from Cadet’s tracK- The Letter to Krept. I get the benefit of the doubt because I knew her character. After having spoken to my friend at length about his mistreatment, not having corrected her wrongs made me feel guilty. Til this day.

Unknown Poet

Fuck. It’s ironic how empty I am because 

I swear 6 months ago I had the universe inside

of me but I cried the rivers in my bones dry.

The volcanoes in my chest erupted when you told

me you didn’t love me anymore and lava flooded

my body and hardened till I stopped sleeping.

I had stars in my eyes but I burned them

all out with the cigarettes I was smoking

to get you the fuck out of my throat. The

flowers growing at the bottoms of my

stomach are dead. Apparently you  

can’t water flowers with vodka.

I had the sky in my veins but it’s

been pretty fucking stormy since I

ripped them open. I had planets 

on the tip of my tongue but

the debris from the shattered 

remains of “us” have been

crashing into them. I was

everything. And then I met

you and we were everything.

Now you’re fucking some

blonde girl who gets

high all the time and

I’m a fucking

mess.

At the Island

It’s cold at the Island,

the bitter cold after the breeze,

and the appetite has gone.

But the moon looks pretty

and so does its reflection

even with ripples in the water

– Feeling: Looking at the brightside

This poem was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend, about loneliness. Sometimes, we have moments where we feel lonely despite being surrounded with  friends and family. Not that we’re unhappy with the people around us, it’s more or less the feeling of being distant although we’re in the presence of our loved ones. It’s a feeling which comes in phases, but its human. The ‘island’ feeling is worse when your ‘appetite has gone’, when you don’t feel like eating although you’re hungry. See, when this feeling comes, it depends on the person, on their beliefs, on whether they see the moon, a symbol of hope- because it’s light in darkness. If you have hope and know this phase will come to an end, you’ll see the light in the water as well, rather than just in the sky, so much so you’ll see it amongst the ‘ripples in the water’ too.

 

Ramadhan Reflections: Day 15

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

May the peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be with you,

Quran: 17:24

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.”

Tafsir: Sheikh Yasir Qadhi

Hadith:

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) said: “One who pleases his parents has verily pleased Allah, and one who has angered his parents has verily angered Allah.”

Kanzul `Ummal

Ramadhan Reflections

Why is it that we put others before our parents?

Why is it that we say more than, ‘Uff’ to our parents?

Why is it difficult for us to apologise to our parents?

Maa and Baba, the people we should find happiness in their happiness. And with their happiness, Allah is kept happy. If we don’t want to please our Rabb or our parents, what is our worth in this dunya?

Ramadhan Reflections: Day 11

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

May the peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be with you,

Quran: 10:65

And let not their speech grieve you. Indeed, honor [due to power] belongs to Allah entirely. He is the Hearing, the Knowing

After the recent events of Orlando, people the resentment towards Muslims has spiked again. Obviously, Islamophobia is present and current everywhere, be it social media, or in your day to day life, ofcourse the event which illustrate Islam as a religion of violence spark a new found hatred for non-muslims towards muslims. People will say things, in fact recently, people have been saying a lot. Shouting from their cars, signalling with their hands that they’ll slaughter us, and so on and so forth. Despite all of this we have to keep faith in Allah. Don’t let people’s insults towards Islam keep us from spreading the good word of the religion and the most effective way being in our behaviour towards others. Not just that, the people that insult Allah’s words, our prophets, our values, they’ll have to answer to Allah. We simply can not let it demoralize us. This is only the beginning, the struggles for muslims will only get harder.

Hadith:

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive to do that which will benefit you and seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say ‘If only I had done (such and such), the such and such would have happened,’ rather say: ‘Allah has decreed and what He wills He does,’ for ‘if only’ opens the door to the work of the shaytaan.”

[Muslim]

For those who have exams, or have had exams, stay positive. Whatever Allah has decreed, cannot be changed. Remember Allah doesn’t ever give up on his believers. We’re the ones that distance ourselves from Allah.

And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near.

2:186

Allah will answer our duas, we just need to remember to call him.

Follow this link to understand more about dua.

Sunnah: 

Greetings. When someone greets you, reply with a response equivalent to their greeting or with an addition.

And when you are greeted with a greeting, greet [in return] with one better than it or [at least] return it [in a like manner]. Indeed, Allah is ever, over all things, an Accountant.

4:86

Ramadhan Reflections:

Yesterday I think I made the most sincere dua. More so  because I am understanding the significance of dua more. I’ve been watching videos by the likes of Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan, Sheikh Omar Sulaiman, Yasir Qadhi etc. These videos have been really beneficial to my outlook in life. I’ve linked one of the videos above, and simply continued to browse via the suggested videos. I honestly recommend for you to watch tafsir and lectures because they really help give a better insight into understanding the Quran. How’re we to build a strong bond with Allah if we fail to understand his words.